Identity
For many Nigerian Christian women, the deepest obstacle to setting limits is not cultural or psychological — it is theological. The fear that having limits is selfish, that saying no is unloving, that personal limits conflict with the Christian call to service — this fear, rooted in genuine faith, is one of the most powerful and least examined forces preventing women from basic self-respect.
This article is an honest engagement with the theological question.
The concern is not unreasonable. Christianity does call its followers to service, to self-giving love, to a genuine orientation toward others that includes sacrifice. The question is whether this call is compatible with personal limits — and if so, how.
Jesus himself had limits. The Gospels record Jesus withdrawing from crowds, sleeping during storms, asking for rest, weeping in grief. He did not make himself infinitely available to every demand. He recognised his humanity, including its limits.
Love of neighbour is commanded alongside love of self. "Love your neighbour as yourself" — the second great commandment — presupposes a genuine love of self against which the love of neighbour is measured. Not self-obsession or narcissism, but the genuine care for one's own wellbeing that is the baseline from which care for others flows.
Service from depletion is not service. The Christian tradition has consistently recognised that we cannot give what we do not have — that genuine service requires attending to the conditions that make service sustainable. A person in genuine burnout is not in a position to serve effectively. Protecting the conditions for sustainable service is not selfishness; it is stewardship.
The good Samaritan chose how to help. He did not give everything he had. He gave what he had and arranged for ongoing care through resources he directed. Even the paradigmatic story of Christian helpfulness involves considered, intentional giving — not unlimited self-depletion.
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Faith and limits are not in tension. A woman of faith can hold limits that protect her capacity to genuinely love and serve — and these limits are more consistent with her faith than the performative unlimited availability that produces burnout and resentment.
The limits that protect your health, your wellbeing, your genuine capacity to be present — these are not violations of Christian love. They are conditions for its sustainable expression.
If this is opening something up, 1:1 coaching provides the space to go deeper. Explore Coaching →
The Good Girl Delusion explores the roots of these patterns honestly and offers a real path through. Read The Good Girl Delusion →
Related: The Complete Boundaries Guide · Nigerian Culture and Boundaries · The Difference Between Selfishness and Self-Respect
Nancy GLO
Reflective storyteller & style curator for women becoming
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