Identity
Every person carries a set of narratives about themselves: about who they are, what they are capable of, what they deserve, what is available to them, and how other people see them. These narratives are constructed from experience — from what happened to you, what was said to you, and what conclusions you drew about yourself in response.
Some of these stories are accurate and useful. Some were once accurate but are now outdated — they fit a version of your circumstances that no longer exists. And some were never quite accurate, but felt true enough in the moment of their formation that you never went back to examine them.
The stories that are keeping you stuck are almost always in the third category.
Stuck stories have several identifying features:
They are stated as facts, not interpretations. "I am not the kind of person who..." "I have never been good at..." "People like me don't..." These formulations present the story as objective description rather than constructed narrative.
They are self-limiting and self-consistent. The stuck story does not allow for evidence against itself. If you succeed at something, the story absorbs it as an exception. If you fail, the story uses it as confirmation. The story is unfalsifiable.
They produce avoidance. The specific signature of a stuck story is that it prevents you from attempting things. Not because the attempt is actually impossible — because the story says it is, and the story's verdict is accepted without question.
They are often connected to specific people or experiences. A parent who communicated that you were not smart enough. A teacher who dismissed you. An experience of visible failure that was given too much interpretive weight. The stuck story has an origin.
Complete these sentences, and pay attention to what arrives without much deliberation:
The completions that come quickly, without resistance, are often the operating stories. Hold them up to the light: are they facts, or are they stories? When did you form this belief? Was the evidence actually that clear? Has it ever been different?
Rewriting a stuck story is not the same as replacing it with an affirmation. Affirmations that contradict the story without providing evidence feel false and are unstable.
Real rewriting involves:
Gathering counter-evidence. Actual instances in which the stuck story was not true. Times you were, in fact, good at the thing you believe yourself bad at. Times the thing you declared impossible was achieved.
Examining the origin. Who told you this story? Was their perspective reliable? What were the conditions under which you formed this belief?
Acting against the story in a specific, limited way. The most powerful narrative change is behavioural: doing the thing the story says you cannot do, and surviving the attempt. Even imperfect attempts build the evidence base that displaces the old narrative.
Related: The Mindset Shifts That Change Your Life · How Your Thoughts Shape Your Reality · How to Stop Playing It Small
Nancy GLO
Reflective storyteller & style curator for women becoming
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